Bullying or Teasing

Parents Don't Need to Rush in and Save There Children from Every Conflict

For quite some time, addressing the issue of bullying has been a prominent focus for schools in our country. As an individual who has personally experienced the effects of bullying and even had to stand up against it, I strongly believe in the significance of tackling this problem. Creating a safe and supportive environment for all students is a cause that holds great value. Thankfully, it appears that the majority of people are not opposed to promoting anti-bullying messages.

Over the past 20 years, bullying has become more prevalent in our country. This raises the question of whether this increase is due to social media shedding light on the issue or if social media itself is exacerbating the problem. In my opinion, it's a combination of both factors. Social media platforms have provided a stage for bullies to showcase their behavior, as their friends capture videos to share. This exposure has brought attention to what was already a growing problem.

When I was growing up, fights rarely involved one person against a larger group. The gang or pack mentality that often accompanies bullying is especially disturbing, especially when it escalates to the use of weapons such as knives or guns. Even without weapons, a group of kids ganging up on one individual, particularly after they have been knocked unconscious, is a recipe for life-threatening injuries or long-term disabilities. Tragically, there have been cases where children have lost their lives as a result of severe beatings by groups of thirteen to seventeen-year-olds, such as the devastating incident that occurred in Las Vegas in 2023.

Unfortunately, many teenagers, who probably do not have children of their own, watch these videos of bullying without displaying any emotion. They then share these videos with their friends, perpetuating the cycle. While this may seem like a personal observation, the reality of cyberbullying is undeniable. With the rise of cell phones and social media, cyberbullying has become an incredibly serious issue that demands immediate attention.

In simple terms, cyberbullying refers to a form of harassment that takes place through electronic means. It encompasses various types of aggressive behavior, including hate speech, sexual remarks, stalking, trolling, and ridicule. Ignoring this toxic behavior can lead to further escalation, including physical harm.

The statistics are startling: 46 percent of U.S. teens aged 13 to 17 have experienced online bullying. The impact of online bullying can be devastating, with some victims being pushed to contemplate suicide. Studies have shown that cyberbullying victims are 1.9 times more likely to take their own lives, while the bullies themselves are also 1.7 times more likely to do so. Clearly, bullies often come from unhappy places, and hurting others becomes an outlet for their own issues. These statistics underscore the urgent need for anti-bullying programs in schools in order to effectively address this problem.

Cyberbullying takes on various forms:

According to the CDC, nearly 14 percent of public schools report that bullying is a disciplinary problem that occurs on a daily or weekly basis. Middle schools have the highest rate of bullying at 28 percent, followed by high schools at 16 percent, and combined and primary schools at 12 percent and 9 percent, respectively.

Interestingly, cyberbullying is most prevalent among middle schoolers, affecting 33 percent of students in that age group. High schoolers closely follow at 30 percent, while combined schoolers and primary school children experience cyberbullying at rates of 20 percent and 5 percent, respectively.

Surprisingly, Instagram has the highest percentage of cyberbullying incidents among various social media platforms. Statistics show that 42 percent of youths have been bullied on Instagram, surpassing other platforms like Facebook (37 percent), Snapchat (31 percent), WhatsApp (12 percent), and YouTube (10 percent)3.

Unsurprisingly, women are often the preferred targets of online harassment. A survey among over 5,700 respondents revealed that 1 in 3 girls falls victim to cyberbullying. On the other hand, 1 in 10 admits to having been a cyberbully themselves.

According to a national survey, cyberbullying attacks can be categorized as follows:

Bullying can have a profound impact on young children, leading to issues with self-esteem. In the past, when cell phones and social media weren't as prevalent, victims of bullying at school could at least find solace by going home. Nowadays, bullies don't need to confront their targets physically in person. Social media has provided new avenues for targeting and piling on their victims.

As a parent, I have found myself needing to take cell phones away from our daughters on multiple occasions. They felt compelled to involve themselves in social media fights or attacks, always wanting to defend their friends. However, we taught them the phrase "not your circus" and confiscated their phones to prevent them from getting further entangled in these situations.

I must admit that, as a father, I was not prepared for the level of viciousness that girls can exhibit towards each other and how early it begins. On social media, groups form, and they act like packs of wild dogs, ganging up on others.

When it comes to handling in-person bullying, we take a somewhat old-fashioned approach. We've encouraged our children never to start a fight, but also not to allow someone to abuse them without defending themselves. There have been incidents that needed to be addressed on more than one occasion. Although it may sound old-fashioned and politically incorrect, we've noticed that when our kids stand up to bullying, the bullies tend to move on to easier targets.

However, it's important to distinguish between bullying and teasing. Many teachers have stories about overprotective parents who complain that their child is being bullied when it is actually just immature teasing. In some cases, these parents want the school to escalate the situation. Teachers have shared instances where a parent called or emailed because another elementary school student made fun of their child's lunch. Making fun of someone's lunch is not bullying. Bullying would involve taking your child's lunch and destroying it or threatening to beat up your child if they tell on the bully.

We seem to have lost sight of what real bullying looks like, and now everything falls under the umbrella label of bullying for some parents. Perhaps this is why many young adults today have such thin skin when it comes to dealing with drama or problems. When parents constantly swoop in to take care of every incident, children learn nothing about how to handle similar situations that will inevitably arise in the future. Conflict resolution is a critical life skill that goes a long way in helping individuals navigate challenges throughout their lives.

Let me be clear: I'm not referring to violent situations. When someone threatens the safety of your child, it is best to bring it to the attention of the school authorities and, in cases of terroristic threats, possibly involve the police. However, before escalating the issue, it is crucial to determine whether it was teasing or making fun of something. Teasing, especially in elementary school, is not bullying, and parents should not intervene in these situations. Instead, we should teach our children to develop the self-esteem to ignore immature teasing and equip them with the skills to resolve minor confrontations themselves without violence.

It is an unfortunate reality of life that people will talk about you, make fun of you, tease you, and be rude. We cannot run to authorities or school administrations for every incident, or we would be constantly having conferences with our children's schools. Many bullies who are told by adults to stop eventually return to taunt their victims. Bullies often seek out easy or weaker targets. Therefore, it is crucial to teach our children how to deal with these situations. Engaging in sports can greatly boost a child's self-esteem, and for those who aren't particularly athletic, martial arts classes can be a beneficial option. In fact, I know several parents who enrolled their children in martial arts to help them overcome the fear of confrontation, as it teaches discipline and good values and skills for de-escalating confrontations and self-defense.

If you speak to counselors or childcare advocates, they will tell you that teasing that becomes repetitive can evolve into bullying. However, it could also just be annoying. As a father, I didn't want my children to be scared by every little thing that didn't make them feel special. It is important to consider the maturity level of those involved when distinguishing between teasing in elementary school and older grades. This is a critical time to teach our children how to handle themselves and to identify kids who may be on the path to becoming bullies, as early intervention may be the key to helping kids who have a propensity for bullying others.

I often drummed into my kids' heads that just because someone said something about them, it doesn't make it true and that they should take it as though the offender's comments have no basis in reality except for their own head. If your child is confident, then they will brush off what some might consider harmful comments and verbal attacks.

Parents often find themselves hesitant to confiscate their children's phones and restrict their access to social media despite the fact that these platforms can often be the source of cyberbullying that harms their own children. This hesitation may stem from the fact that many parents themselves heavily rely on their own cell phones and cannot imagine going without them, which may lead them to overlook the option of taking away their kids' phones. However, it is crucial for parents to take action if their child is being bullied through texts or on social media. By temporarily removing the device, parents can help their child refocus on life and break free from the negativity that cyberbullying brings. It's important to remember that your child will not suffer drastically without their phone, and this experience can serve as a valuable lesson. Taking a break from technology when things aren't going in a positive direction can provide an opportunity to regain perspective and prioritize their emotional well-being.